Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Maybe a week and a half ago, we first heard Asa's preliminary autopsy results. It would appear that he didn't die of a heart attack like we thought. I guess the general feeling is that it was neuro, a seizure or a stroke, something in the cortex of the brain. His brain was small, which means that he probably would have had mental retardation. Its that last part that got to me. He was doing everything that a 5 and a half week old kid should do... and its all speculation. There is no way of knowing exactly what his capabilities would have been, but it really bothered me when they said that he would have had MR. So anyways, I asked what the final autopsy results would tell us, I was told that pretty much previous findings will either be confirmed or not. So basically, Asa had a neurological incident that affected the respiratory center of Asa's brain and so he stopped breathing.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Andrew and I are still staying with his folks. We've got a contract on a house. We started looking while Asa was still with us, and decided to keep the momentum going. With that my mood has kind of gone from constantly melancholy to happy and excited followed immediately by sad and lonley. We really need this to change the momentum. We basically felt like we were at where we were a year ago, asking ourselves, "Should we buy a house? Should we have a baby? Should I go to grad school now?" I want to go back to our apartment, it reeks of Asa and our time with him. To me, I want to go back and continue mourning him. My husband never needs to go back there again. Its not a part of the process for him. We should get the autopsy results soon, possibly this week. Maybe we should wait until after that to go home. I guess this is the equivalent of blog rambling.
Friday, January 2, 2009
These pics are from Christmas morning. We took Asa to Aunty Katy's house where he opened gifts with his cousin Cecilia. Daddy's holding a teething ring, a gift for later from Cecilia. His outfit was his Uncle Paul's from 25 years ago. He is such a beautiful babe. Changing so fast.